If you Google “communication,” you will get a staggering 10 BILLION plus results. “Communication skills” gets over 2 billion. Narrow it down to “communication skills in relationships” and it’s about 600 million. It’s pretty clear, communication is such a broad topic that we’re not even really sure what it entails. Yet, as a couples therapist, communication is the number one problem my clients bring to therapy. New Paragraph

Communication is Far More Than Words

“We just don’t communicate!” they insist. And they mean it, but it certainly isn’t true. Couples definitely communicate, just not well. And not always with words. But, make no mistake, they communicate. In fact, I learned early in my career that in intimate relationships, most conversations happen before the words ever get spoken. A look, a gesture, a tone of voice, body language tells both partners all they need to know. Before either hears or says anything, they convey, “I don’t like you; I’m not paying attention;” “You don’t matter to me,” or even worse. They exchange anger or indifference. The lines are drawn; off they go from there and all this, often before ever a word is heard. 

So, couples come to therapy hoping to speak more clearly (as if they haven’t yet been clear!). They want to negotiate or strike a better bargain, a “fairer” deal. They want to learn “I messages” and how to express their needs. And all of that is great, for what it’s worth. 

But, all that isn’t worth much…unless they learn what’s really happening when they disconnect, what’s happening before and behind the words. And that’s what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ weekend couples retreat. In Hold Me Tight,®️ couples learn that communication is much more than words.

Communication Requires Connection

Healthy relationships are about connection—safe emotional connection. Safe means that you are there for your partner and you know that your partner is there for you. Safe means that you know you matter, that you are not alone, that you and your partner are accessible and responsive and engaged with one another. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in attachment science that has proven that all humans need the assurance of a reliable connection. When that’s present, we are our emotional best; we thrive. When it isn’t, we struggle, we lash out, we criticize, we cut off, we do any manner of things to reconnect and restore that safety.

And often, our communication is the evidence that the connection is not there. But, if we only work on the words—what we say—how we say it, and ignore the disconnect and pain around it, then just changing our words is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It really won’t change the outcome.

Emotions Drive Our Communication

In a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat, couples slow down enough to recognize that all of us have fears, needs and dreams that we often miss or ignore, but that drive us. Those emotions are the fuel either for good or bad in love. Owning them and sharing them with our partner can literally transform a relationship. In Hold Me Tight,®️ couples learn to have conversations they never knew how to have or knew they could or should have. And in the process, they learn to connect in ways they may have never thought possible.

At this retreat, couples go at their own pace. No one is pushed or put on the spot. The group is informal and casual. Couples learn together and often find a great deal of comforting and reassuring common ground. And, although Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy, couples often say they learned and grew more in just two days than they had in months of therapy.

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can be a priceless investment in the most priceless relationship you have. Find out for yourself. Reserve your spot today for our upcoming retreat.