Comfort Isn't Always Comfortable

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Comfort Isn't Always Comfortable

Intimate relationships are never easy and too many don’t survive. Courtrooms and counselors’ offices are full of couples who didn’t set out to destroy their love; it just looks as if they did. Maybe you’re one of those couples…trying to figure out how you went from newlywed to nearly dead...and you never saw it coming...or you did and you didn't know how to stop it.

Comfort Can Kill

Seldom does a single, malicious act kill a relationship. More often, strangely enough, it’s comfort. How can comfort be a killer? Everybody loves comfort. Comfort is pleasant. But, comfort can be dangerous. Comfort means, "Let's just keep the peace; let's not confront this conflict, let's not fix that problem. Let's just avoid the pain and kick the can down the road. It's more comfortable that way."

Comfort is a close cousin to complacency. And complacency is often boring and mundane. Comfortable couples run the risk of drifting apart…slowly, imperceptibly, then waking up to find that they’re living parallel lives, completely disconnected. Many couples describe being stuck in a rut. And we all know that a rut is just a grave with the ends dug out.

If that’s where you are, be advised: if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. “Comfortable” relationships are actually quite dangerous. If your relationship is dying from comfort, if you want something different, then DO something different. Get out of your comfort zone. It could do wonders for your love.

Out of Your Comfort Zone

A Hold Me Tight®️ weekend couples retreat can make a world of difference. Come to Orlando and get out of you rut. Join other couples for two days of learning and making sense of your relationship. Learn the powerful lessons of attachment science. Learn to understand the patterns that create conflict and distance between you and your partner. Learn to interrupt those patterns. Break out of complacency. Learn new patterns that will connect you and create safety together. Heal old wounds and take your relationship deeper than it’s ever been.

A Game Changer

Couples who attend Hold Me Tight®️ workshops consistently use words like “transformational” and “amazing” to describe their experience in the span of just two days. Many couples say they make more progress in two days than they’ve made in months of couples therapy. They leave with confidence and a path forward. Some leave saying they have hope they’ve never had and never thought they could find.

Hold Me Tight®️ is easy and low key. It’s different from therapy. Couples go at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. You will learn how much you have in common with other couples, how normal you really are. You will develop new skills. You will leave with a road map for finding one another and where you want to go as a couple.

Small Risk, Big Reward

Robert Allen said, “Everything you ever wanted is just outside your comfort zone.” If you want a closer relationship, take a little risk—measured risk, mind you, but step out of your comfort zone. The reward is a deeper, closer relationship, and it’s just as near as our next Hold Me Tight®️ weekend. It’s next month. Don’t miss it!

All the details are on this website. Seating is limited. Sign up today!

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Learn more about Mark and Vicki.
Prepare for a transformational experience.

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Have a Safety Plan

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Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

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If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, but only because those around them pull together for a common goal. The best teams operate as one. Eleven players, all on the same page: focused, supportive, picking each other up, pursuing the same goal. When they do, they become more than the sum of their parts…highly efficient. They minimize mistakes and overcome them when they happen. When adversity hits, lesser teams slip into fault finding, sniping and looking out for number one. In any sport, if teammates ever become opponents, they can’t win. It’s game over.

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You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)

Help Is Nearby

By Mark Beck • January 17, 2025

I had a close call today. I was almost duped by a very slick hacker. He posed as a security guy from PayPal and I nearly gave him remote access to my computer. (I know, that sounds pretty stupid on my part.) Fortunately for me, when things smelled fishy, I tapped out before any real damage was done. But, I didn’t know what to do from there. I unplugged my PC and called an expert. He knew just what to do and he got me up and running in no time. What a relief! It cost me a few bucks, but most likely saved me a lot more. Computers are a necessary evil in my life. I can’t even imagine managing my home or my business without one. But, they can sure be troublesome. And a cyber wizard, I am not. That’s my problem. I know just enough to be dangerous. It sure eases my mind that help is available when I need it. Because some things I can’t fix. That doesn’t make me stupid…it’s just not my expertise.

A Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Orlando is a great way to ring in the new year

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When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024

Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

In Person Or Online?

By Mark Beck • December 2, 2024

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What About Love Languages?

By Mark Beck • November 19, 2024

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.