Relationship Rescue

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Relationship Rescue

You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)

The Obvious is Easy to Ignore

All of the captain’s negligence and hubris notwithstanding (they’d been at sea for two days and had yet even to conduct a muster drill), the captain’s refusal to declare an emergency and call for help is not surprising. Humans have a natural tendency to avoid recognizing a severe crisis in the moment, especially if we had a hand in it. We see it all the time, refusing to leave a burning building, evacuate in the path of a storm, isolate in a pandemic. Psychologists call it an “incredulity response,” our capacity for denial when we’re in danger because we don’t want to acknowledge that we’re in trouble.

Couples Run Aground Too

I see this all the time in committed relationships. Many couples “hit the rocks.” That’s no surprise and there’s no shame in it. The shame is in telling ourselves, “It’s no big deal; nothing is really wrong. We’re fine. We don’t need help. We’ll make it.” So, they keep doing what they do—same arguments, same responses, same old dance that gets them nowhere. John Gottman has discovered that the average couple struggles along for about six years knowing that something is wrong before finally getting help. What a waste of precious time. And by then, the help they need is almost always more acute, more urgent and more expensive than it would have been sooner.

Don’t be one of those couples. Don’t let your “incredulity response” take you under. If you and your partner get stuck in conflict cycles, same pattern no matter the topic, if you seem to get nowhere no matter how hard you try, if you don’t know how to fix it (and you are losing hope that you’ll ever figure it out), that IS in fact a big deal. It’s not something to ignore. Things like that can get better, but seldom do on their own. Telling yourself otherwise won’t change it. So, get help. Do something different.

Hold Me Tight is Relationship Rescue

That’s what Hold Me Tight®️ is for. Hold Me Tight®️ is a way to get unstuck. It’s hope for when you’re foundering. Hold Me Tight®️ has helped literally thousands of couples to understand their relationship in new ways and change the patterns they never knew they could. It’s a roadmap for deeper connection and healing. In just two days, you and your partner (together with other couples) will learn not only what to do to get off the rocks; you’ll actually do it in real time conversations with one another.

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s low key learning and doing. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace. We don’t push you. But we do point you to deeper, safer connection. Hold Me Tight®️ is based on attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. That is, it’s not psychobabble. Decades of research and results undergird this powerful model. Hold Me Tight®️ has the best track record in the business.

Don’t Delay

Maybe you know your relationship is aground. Maybe you’re “too close to the rocks” and you want to course correct before you get stuck. Either way, young or old, “newlywed or nearly dead,” married, living together, engaged, Hold Me Tight®️ can be a lifesaver. And, whatever your status or stage, help is always best sooner than later. Don’t tell yourself it’s okay when you know it’s not. Help is within reach.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is in two weeks. Check out all the details at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com.

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Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.