Couples Hit Bumps Too

As a therapist, I often see couples in heavy turbulence together. They don’t know what is going on; they just know it’s scary. They are disconnected, unhappy and nothing seems to help. Their best intentions fall flat and they are sure they are going to crash. 

So, they come to me and give me their opinions—about their problem and their partner. They make their case. “It’s their fault,” they say. They have a long list of complaints and they want me to fix it (which usually means fix their partner). 

They think they need new skills. They want to negotiate better or learn to “fight fair.” They want to communicate better (when, in fact, they communicate just fine. The messages come through loud and clear;  and they hurt). But, the problem is deeper than that. I learned that on the airplane. When your relationship is struggling, when you feel disconnected, rejected, unwanted, unloved, that is a crisis that truly puts you in an emotional free fall. In that state of fear, uncertainty, even panic, everything with your partner becomes harder, sometimes impossible. You can’t think straight, can’t relax and unless or until you can make sense of what’s happening, things will only get worse. So, the fundamental problem in a struggling relationship is not a lack of skills; it's a lack of safety.

More Than Meets the Eye

On that plane, I thought we might crash. But, once I saw it differently, things changed. When you and your partner are disconnected and struggling, more is happening than meets the eye there too. But, you can change that. You can slow things down and make sense of what so often doesn’t. You can restore the safety you once had and cannot do without. You can learn what you and your partner really need (and it isn’t about the kids or the laundry or the budget or…fill in the blank). It’s deeper than that. 

And THAT is what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. At Hold Me Tight®️ you learn from decades of attachment science and a method called Emotionally Focused Therapy. You will learn what is really happening when you feel that free fall and what to do, not just to survive it with your partner, but actually to grow closer through it. Wouldn’t that be great—actually growing closer when you hit rough air instead of crashing and burning? How reassuring to learn that your relationship is not doomed. It’s not a lost cause. You really can make it through the turbulence.

Change Things Forever

Hold Me Tight®️ is two days that can change your relationship forever. It’s low key, but powerful. It’s not therapy; it’s learning and doing with your partner, at your own pace, with a “crew” (Vicki and me) who have led many other couples through it. No one is put on the spot and you will get more than skills. You will get a roadmap that will help you through the turbulence that many couples don’t survive. 

Before you talk about new skills or problem solving in your relationship, first, restore the safety. Without safety, no couple can fly well. That’s the secret sauce in Hold Me Tight®️. But, don’t take my word for it. Learn for yourself.

Our next workshop is in February near Orlando, FL. All the details are on this website. Plan now to be with us then. Seating is limited. We can’t wait to see you!

• Sign up for our newsletter.
• Learn more about Mark and Vicki.
• Prepare for a transformational experience.