Curious or Critical

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Curious or Critical

Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

Just Get It

If I know that Debbie “gets” where I’m coming from (not that she agrees with me...just that she gets it), that she just understands my point of view, I relax and “feel felt.” And she does the same when I “get” her.

And then, we become a team. Compromise is easier. We’re more patient and caring. Solutions almost come to themselves. So, striving to understand my partner, to put myself in her shoes, is perhaps the best thing I can do.

Making a Choice

Whenever the tension rises between partners and conversations might turn to confrontations, couples in that moment have a choice. They can either become critical or curious. It is indeed a choice. Critical is where we find fault, lay blame and get defensive. Critical is when we think the worst and make a case against the one we love. Critical couples become opponents. Curious couples, on the other hand step into their partner’s shoes and seek to understand, more than to be understood. They become a team.

This simple pivot, from critical to curious, can be a game changer.

Hold Me Tight® Is Where You Will Learn

And it’s one of the skills couples learn in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop. Hold Me Tight®️ can make a world of difference for couples at any age or stage: young, old or in between. Hold Me Tight®️ is two days with other couples learning the power of attachment science and the EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) model. But, Hold Me Tight®️ isn’t therapy. It’s learning and doing with your partner and other couples in a low key, go-at-your-own-pace, safe setting. You and your partner will not only learn one another’s perspective. You’ll learn from others facing the same issues and challenges as you. You’ll be amazed at how much you have in common with other couples.

Hold Me Tight®️ has transformed relationships the world over. Those who attend consistently say how surprised they are at how much they learn and grow, even those who believed they were beyond help. Come to Hold Me Tight®️ and see what a difference two days can make.

HMT Couples Workshops has a variety of dates and locations coming up. This year, we’ll be in Tuscany, Italy, Boone, NC and of course, Orlando, FL. Check out all the dates and details at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Don’t miss all that Hold Me Tight®️ has to offer!

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