No More Baggage Dragging

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Heavy Loads Hurt

Yesterday, on a bike trail near home, I saw something I’d never seen. A couple was walking side by side smiling and talking, enjoying each other’s company. I would hardly have noticed them, except the man happened to be dragging a very large truck tire behind him by a heavy chain tied around his waist! It looked truly bizarre, but actually, he was doing resistance training. That tire was quite a load and he was both working his legs and his heart: good strength training—good cardio. But, then it occurred to me: what I saw on the trail was more than an unorthodox workout. It was literally a walking metaphor (pardon the pun).

I did a double take as I wondered to myself how many others on the trail that beautiful day were dragging heavy loads of their own, just not the kind I could see.

We're All Baggage Draggers

Life piles all kinds of things on us: losses, disappointments, things we’ve done, things done to us. And we drag around the pain, the guilt, the anger, the hurt…sometimes for years. We seem fine on the outside. But, inside, over time, baggage dragging takes a toll. It’s not a good workout. It's harmful, not helpful. It doesn’t build resistance. It builds resentment. It breeds bitterness. And we learn, often the hard way (through poor health, poor performance, poor relationships) that what we hold onto holds onto us.

Baggage dragging often happens in relationships between partners who love one another dearly, but have built up hurts and resentment that slows them down and holds them back. Often, distressed couples speak of feeling stuck or far apart. That’s the long term fallout of baggage dragging: resentment, distance and disconnection. Most couples don’t know what to do with all that baggage. So, they either try to ignore it and just keep dragging it (much to their detriment), or they fight intractable, fruitless fights that lead nowhere. Eventually, the relationship either dies or couples just give up and settle for living at arm’s length.

Learning to Let Go

There’s got to be a better way. And the good news is: there is.

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando is a great place to begin letting go. At Hold Me Tight,®️ couples learn the amazing lessons of attachment science. They learn to connect deeply; and that includes healing old wounds and finally letting go of old baggage.

In this low key, group experience, couples learn and practice vulnerability and empathy. They learn what it means to be there for one another. They learn to manage conflict (sometimes, it's more important to manage it than resolve it). They learn to have conversations, not confrontations.

In just two short days of Hold Me Tight,®️ couples can make huge strides in letting go of what has held them down and held them back, sometimes for years. They often leave with the confidence and competence to travel lighter and enjoy the journey more than they ever thought possible.

Here is Your Chance

Baggage dragging is no way to travel through life. We can learn to let go and travel lighter at Hold Me Tight®️. Find out more at on the homepage of this website.

Our next couples retreat is next week! Space is limited. Sign up today!

Learn more about Mark and Vicki.

Prepare for a transformational experience.

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Have a Safety Plan

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Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

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You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)

Help Is Nearby

By Mark Beck • January 17, 2025

I had a close call today. I was almost duped by a very slick hacker. He posed as a security guy from PayPal and I nearly gave him remote access to my computer. (I know, that sounds pretty stupid on my part.) Fortunately for me, when things smelled fishy, I tapped out before any real damage was done. But, I didn’t know what to do from there. I unplugged my PC and called an expert. He knew just what to do and he got me up and running in no time. What a relief! It cost me a few bucks, but most likely saved me a lot more. Computers are a necessary evil in my life. I can’t even imagine managing my home or my business without one. But, they can sure be troublesome. And a cyber wizard, I am not. That’s my problem. I know just enough to be dangerous. It sure eases my mind that help is available when I need it. Because some things I can’t fix. That doesn’t make me stupid…it’s just not my expertise.

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By Mark Beck • January 10, 2025

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When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024

Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

In Person Or Online?

By Mark Beck • December 2, 2024

Vicki and I will start something new in March of 2025. We have been leading in person Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats at least four times a year for six years now. No two are the same; we always see amazing results and we get more than we give every time. And, in addition to our in person workshops, we’ll also begin offering online Hold Me Tight®️ workshops next year. In person and online workshops are definitely different. Each format has its own advantages. So, what’s different about the two and what is the same and which might be best for you? I’m glad you asked.

What About Love Languages?

By Mark Beck • November 19, 2024

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.