A Real Learning Experience

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A True Learning Experience

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a transformational learning experience for couples. Two words there are key: learning and experience. First, what do you learn? You learn fascinating insights from attachment science. You learn that emotions are what drive us. Think about it: the word “emotion” contains the word “motion.” Emotions move us, motivate us. Emotions incite behaviors, actions and reactions. Emotions inform every level of our existence. And our most powerful, most vulnerable emotions are beneath the surface.

What’s Beneath the Surface?

It’s like an iceberg. Only about one fifth of an iceberg is visible above the waterline. Most of its force and mass lies unseen, hidden. So, too with us, our most “forceful” emotions are often out of sight (and maybe out of mind). Our deepest fears, needs and longings, we don’t show (and may not even know). That’s because those emotions make us vulnerable. We usually hide them, bury them. We hide them behind anger, criticism, sarcasm, blame. As they say, “The best defense is a good offense.” So we attack, lash out and hide that we are really sad or afraid or ashamed. Or we cover our deeper emotions by withdrawing, going away. We become indifferent, sullen or stoic.

Either way, we show one thing on the surface when underneath, our true emotions are very different. All of us have an inner reality that doesn’t always show in the surface.

See Through an Attachment Lens

At Hold Me Tight®️, couples learn to see their relationship through an “attachment lens.” And we learn how our emotions contribute to conflict. We learn to see and change old habits, old patterns. We learn about vulnerability and how to truly connect with the one we love. We learn to create safety and the assurance that we are there for our partner and our partner is there for us.

Learn AND Experience

There is so much to learn at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. But, the second word we mentioned above is crucial too. Hold Me Tight®️ is a learning experience. The word “experience” means that you won’t just learn—you will do. You will put what you learn into practice—in real time. So, you won’t just hear about closer connection. You will actually do it.

At Hold Me Tight®️ you will get to practice new skills and have new conversations with your partner—conversations that you didn’t know you could have, that you didn’t know how to have. And because you actually do it, you leave competent and confident as a couple. You leave with a roadmap for lifelong connection. And, as with any roadmap, you still have to go, but you will know how and you will much more likely enjoy the journey.

Hold Me Tight®️ is two days of learning and experience for couples. But, rest assured, this is not therapy. It is a laid back, enjoyable weekend. Couples go at their own pace. No one is put on the spot or singled out. It’s not “pass/fail.” It’s a chance to see how much you and your partner have in common with other couples facing the same issues, the same struggles as so many others.

So, whatever your status, age or stage, whether you’re really struggling in your relationship or you just want to go from good to great together, Hold Me Tight®️ can make a world of difference. You’ll be amazed at how far two days can take you. But, don’t take my word for it. Our next workshop is only a month away. Sign up today. All the details are on this website.

Learn more about Mark and Vicki.
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Have a Safety Plan

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Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

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You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)

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By Mark Beck • January 17, 2025

I had a close call today. I was almost duped by a very slick hacker. He posed as a security guy from PayPal and I nearly gave him remote access to my computer. (I know, that sounds pretty stupid on my part.) Fortunately for me, when things smelled fishy, I tapped out before any real damage was done. But, I didn’t know what to do from there. I unplugged my PC and called an expert. He knew just what to do and he got me up and running in no time. What a relief! It cost me a few bucks, but most likely saved me a lot more. Computers are a necessary evil in my life. I can’t even imagine managing my home or my business without one. But, they can sure be troublesome. And a cyber wizard, I am not. That’s my problem. I know just enough to be dangerous. It sure eases my mind that help is available when I need it. Because some things I can’t fix. That doesn’t make me stupid…it’s just not my expertise.

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When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024

Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

In Person Or Online?

By Mark Beck • December 2, 2024

Vicki and I will start something new in March of 2025. We have been leading in person Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats at least four times a year for six years now. No two are the same; we always see amazing results and we get more than we give every time. And, in addition to our in person workshops, we’ll also begin offering online Hold Me Tight®️ workshops next year. In person and online workshops are definitely different. Each format has its own advantages. So, what’s different about the two and what is the same and which might be best for you? I’m glad you asked.

What About Love Languages?

By Mark Beck • November 19, 2024

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.