A couple holds hands while they walk in the ocean representing a couple who has overcome adversity in their relationship at a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL. Couples Retreats are a great tool to build a lasting connection and are available in Orlando, FL and throughout the United States.

Emotionally Focused Therapy and Couples Retreats

In the dynamic world of couples therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) stands as a proven and resilient method to foster meaningful connections. By hosting couples retreats that promote understanding and growth, EFT offers a unique opportunity for couples to learn essential tools like De-escalation. This approach, used consistently in couples retreat scenarios, brings a radical change in relationships, often proving to be the turning point for many struggling couples.

Understanding the Three Key-Change Events

  1. De-escalation
  2. Pursuer Softening
  3. Withdrawer Reengagement


In a couples retreat, these three events become essential pathways to create harmony and mutual understanding. Let’s delve into the significance of De-escalation and how it functions within the scope of EFT.


Why Is De-escalation Important?

In many relationships, continuous arguing leads to a spiral of despair and hopelessness. These arguments, prevalent in most relationships, can erode even the strongest love. The wise saying, “Strike while the iron is hot,” takes on a new meaning in couples retreats focused on EFT. Here, the approach is to “strike when the iron is cold.” If that is not possible, couples are guided to revisit the situation and have an open conversation about “how” things could have gone differently. This act of de-escalating, a cornerstone in couples retreats, brings about meaningful change.

A woman embraces her partner on the beach as they work to improve their relationship with the help of Couples Retreats in Orlando, FL. A Couples Retreat is a great tool for improving connection. Couples Retreats are available to couples in Florida and throughout the United States.

Rifts and Misattunements: Navigating the Inevitable

Rifts and misattunements are inevitable in relationships. During a couples retreat, couples learn to take charge of moments of disconnection and steer them away from dangerous escalation. By focusing on these two key aspects:


  1. Taking charge of disconnection
  2. Slowing down emotional conversations


Couples gain confidence in shaping the safety of their connection. This process doesn’t magically bring closeness but equips couples with tools to prevent further damage.


Couples retreats, especially those following the EFT approach, offer an environment where couples begin to master the de-escalation tool. They learn how to touch each other's raw spots without sliding into anxious demands or numbing withdrawal. Couples also maintain emotional balance as they rise above destructive patterns. This puts them in the driver’s seat, healing their nervous systems and creating a new reality.


Two Crucial Elements of De-escalation

  1. Response at a Key Moment: How a partner responds at a key moment can be deeply painful and threatening. This awareness is essential in couples retreats for promoting empathy.
  2. Understanding Negative Reactions: Realizing that a partner’s negative reactions may be desperate attempts to deal with attachment fears helps in fostering compassion.
A couple sits together under an awning as the sun sets over the ocean representing a couple who has harnessed the power of Couples Retreats in Orlando, FL to improve the foundation of their relationship. Couples Retreats are available to people in Florida and throughout the United States.

Learn More About EFT and De-Escalation at a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL Today!

The concept of de-escalation in EFT has far-reaching implications. Its use in couples retreats across the world has transformed lives, healing wounds, and strengthening bonds. This powerful modality is not just a technique; it is a philosophy that helps couples navigate the complexities of love and commitment. By integrating de-escalation into their daily lives, couples take a step towards a more loving, understanding, and resilient relationship, a step that often begins with an empowering couples retreat.


  • Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
  • Fill out our convenient online contact form.
  • Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!


A couple embraces on the beach as the sunsets in the background representing a couple who has strengthened their bond at a Couples Retreat in Florida. Couples Retreats are available to couples in Florida and throughout the United States.

Have a Safety Plan

Safety First

By Mark Beck • April 1, 2025
A local factory required all of its employees to attend a safety class. One fellow didn’t really pay attention and when the final exam at the end of the class asked, “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?” the fellow answered, “Large ones!” “Safety First” is a wise strategy, everywhere from the workplace to the highway to healthcare to childcare. Injuries and accidents cost multiplied billions every year and it’s always better to prevent an accident than to treat one. Whatever the setting, people do better when they feel safe.

Curious or Critical

By Mark Beck • March 14, 2025
Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

Love Is a Team Sport

By Mark Beck • January 29, 2025
If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, but only because those around them pull together for a common goal. The best teams operate as one. Eleven players, all on the same page: focused, supportive, picking each other up, pursuing the same goal. When they do, they become more than the sum of their parts…highly efficient. They minimize mistakes and overcome them when they happen. When adversity hits, lesser teams slip into fault finding, sniping and looking out for number one. In any sport, if teammates ever become opponents, they can’t win. It’s game over.

Relationship Rescue

By Mark Beck • January 24, 2025
You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)

Help Is Nearby

By Mark Beck • January 17, 2025
I had a close call today. I was almost duped by a very slick hacker. He posed as a security guy from PayPal and I nearly gave him remote access to my computer. (I know, that sounds pretty stupid on my part.) Fortunately for me, when things smelled fishy, I tapped out before any real damage was done. But, I didn’t know what to do from there. I unplugged my PC and called an expert. He knew just what to do and he got me up and running in no time. What a relief! It cost me a few bucks, but most likely saved me a lot more. Computers are a necessary evil in my life. I can’t even imagine managing my home or my business without one. But, they can sure be troublesome. And a cyber wizard, I am not. That’s my problem. I know just enough to be dangerous. It sure eases my mind that help is available when I need it. Because some things I can’t fix. That doesn’t make me stupid…it’s just not my expertise.

Comfort Isn't Always Comfortable

By Mark Beck • January 10, 2025
Intimate relationships are never easy and too many don’t survive. Courtrooms and counselors’ offices are full of couples who didn’t set out to destroy their love; it just looks as if they did. Maybe you’re one of those couples…trying to figure out how you went from newlywed to nearly dead...and you never saw it coming...or you did and you didn't know how to stop it.
A Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Orlando is a great way to ring in the new year

Happy New Year

By Mark Beck • January 2, 2025
A Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Orlando is a great new years resolution

When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024
Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

In Person Or Online?

By Mark Beck • December 2, 2024
Vicki and I will start something new in March of 2025. We have been leading in person Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats at least four times a year for six years now. No two are the same; we always see amazing results and we get more than we give every time. And, in addition to our in person workshops, we’ll also begin offering online Hold Me Tight®️ workshops next year. In person and online workshops are definitely different. Each format has its own advantages. So, what’s different about the two and what is the same and which might be best for you? I’m glad you asked.

What About Love Languages?

By Mark Beck • November 19, 2024
Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.
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